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                     "just walk into the light          "shut your mouth and close your eyes
            or keep heading for the black          for darkness you have a knack
               if you're looking for delight"          you're the devil in disguise"
              said the trickster in my back          said the trickster in my back
         "choose the realm where to go:          "choose the realm where to go:
       three headed demons that attack          three headed demons that attack
          or pale angels that think slow?"          or pale angels that think slow?"
              said the trickster in my back          said the trickster in my back
 "shut your mouth and close your eyes         "just walk into the light
          for darkness you have a knack          or keep heading for the black
               you're the devil in disguise"          if you're looking for delight"
              said the trickster in my back          said the trickster in my back
                                hell                                             heaven
                                hell                                            heaven
                                hell                                            heaven
                      "just walk into the light          "the shading on your heart is thin
             or keep heading for the black          i'll give you all that you lack
                if you're looking for delight"          now the rotting can begin"
              said the trickster in my back           said the trickster in my back
This is an experiment of mine containing a little bit of subliminal mesages and the underlining of an idea. I also fiddled with the placement of the stanzas. It is about death and the deciding of one's fate post mortem.

The preview is an eye copy by me of a screen in PC game "American McGee's Alice" (the trickster in my opinion).
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:iconfukface:
fukface Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2005
This is fucking awesome!!

With your permission Id like to make part or most of this into a electro track. Let me know asap!!!!!
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2005
Oh, dude, I'm really flattered here... :)

No problem, you can freely use it in the electro track you want. I just want that you give me a little bit of credit and send me the song (wish you luck, hope it sounds good) Have fun! :yes:

P.S. : Thanks for the favorite! :hug:
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:iconmsstriker:
MsStriker Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004
i'm not so good in poetry because i'm german but i try ;)

i think is very nice. so ok i like the way you accord with heaven and hell and use the first stanza stanza sentence from hell in heaven too but in another order i think this give this piece many deep. but i think the last stanza is the best there i think you exchange the words for hell with the from the heaven. and when i have that interpreted than i think i must go through the hell to come in the heaven. keep it up ;)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004
Oh, being german doesn't mean that you're not good with poetry! ;) Thank you for the nice comment!:)
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:iconmsstriker:
MsStriker Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004
i mean with that. that I'm not so good in english like other. so i can't understand some meanings
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:iconmiserie:
Miserie Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2004  Professional Digital Artist
this straight up rocks. I love two sided poems, but this is a new way of displaying them. I would say things are repetitive, but it works for this piece. :) I'm adding this to my favorites. Lovely work on the mad hatter-ness as well. You're very talented by the look of things...can't wait to look at the other poem you sent me to see.
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2004
Thanks! :hug:
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:iconsilverwand13:
silverwand13 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2004
I've never been one for poetry so I'm not sure how valid my reponse is. :shrug: But to me it was interesting, thought provoking even. I really did enjoy it. :)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2004
Ooo,h thought provoking... I like that! Thanks! :glomp:
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:iconsanja:
sanja Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2004
great colouring and style :)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2004
Thanks! Did you read the poem?
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:iconsanja:
sanja Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2004
yeah :)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2004
:hug: then:)
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:iconkalix:
kalix Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2004   Photographer
Some of the rhthyms bothered me a bit but I think the structure and content were worth enough to cover that up. :clap:
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2004
Why thank you!!! I think you're a very big fan of my work aren't you? You faved three of my works, if I'm not mistaken... :hug:
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:iconkalix:
kalix Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2004   Photographer
Indeed I am a big fan of your work and I'd fav your whole gallery if it weren't for the fact that I want others to have a place in my favs :D!
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004
Thanks, I didn't realise I was that good :blushes: :hug:!
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:iconkalix:
kalix Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2004   Photographer
Well now you do, :D.
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:icondreamgoddess:
dreamgoddess Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I envy you. :worship:
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2004
Oh, you make me blush. :blushes: Thanks for the favourite and flattery...:hug:
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:iconsplintervine:
SplinterVine Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2004
That Was a very different poem .. very well constructed , its like coming across 2 extreme existences, both having its own unique form of life, texture and purpose ! very beautifullied displayed ! Well done on this one !! Its gat great style :clap: :clap: :clap:
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2004
That was very sweet of you! Thanks! :cute:
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:iconreviewsbyrequest:
ReviewsbyRequest Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2004
This is a review as part of ~ ReviewsbyRequest

Well this is a truely interesting poem, I'm glad I read it. I like the original stanza placement and the concept the most. It really makes the whole thing interesting to read.

I felt that there was a little bit too much repetition of ideas here, although some of it worked well, perhaps you should consider revising this aspect. The parts I liked most were the ones were the repetition stopped.

"the shading on your heart is thin
i'll give you all that you lack
now the rotting can begin"
said the trickster in my back

This is really interesting, I like the imagery you present here...although I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'shading'. I liked this part because it was different from the others. In fact this is the only thing, other than Hell/Heaven, that was different from the rest of the poem.

I think you have a really good start here but it definitely needs work. Start with adding more stanzas like the one I just mentioned. Like I said, some repetition is ok but there is too much here.

I hope this was helpful, please update us if/when you have made revisions. Thank you for participating in ~ ReviewsbyRequest
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2004
Ummm, I thought of a stanza that I can insert. Please tell me your opinion:)

Choose the realm where to go:
Three-headed demons that attack
Or pale angels that think slow?
Said the trickster in my back


This can be considered stanza 3. So it comes out instead of stanzas 1 2, new line, 2 1, new line, 1 2; 1 2, new line, 3 3, new line, 2 1. What do you think? Thanks for your comment by the way!!!
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:iconreviewsbyrequest:
ReviewsbyRequest Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2004
I think this could work. I like the stanza it's well written and powerful. I will have to read the whole thing together again to really give you my honest opinion. :)

You're very welcome.
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2004
Okay, I worked it out in the end, and I made some changes. I'd be glad if you could tell me your honest opinon;P Thanks!!!
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:iconreviewsbyrequest:
ReviewsbyRequest Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2004
I shall :D
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2004
Hmmm, I know this may sound stupid but you never commented. Do you have the time to do it now?
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:iconreviewsbyrequest:
ReviewsbyRequest Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2004
Oh geez, I'm sorry I replied to your last comment and then got distracted. I have just read it and it is much better. The new stanza works well. :)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2004
Thanks! :hug:
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(1 Reply)
:iconmyseity:
mySeity Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004
I really like the structure of this poem, just a few things stuck out and bothered me...
about your last stanza of Hell;

"the shading on your heart is thin
i'll give you all that you lack
now the rotting can begin"
said the trickster in my back

the first two lines are powerfully stated, yet the third...it somehow just clashes with how eloquently you put the rest of the poem, also it is unclear what you mean to 'rot' anyway; is it the person? his morals? his heart? rather confusing there

about the 'trickster in my back' repetition..I'm not sure why you chose 'in my back' as a place to put the trickster. It seems rather queer, and I'm sure you either have a logical explanation, you weren't sure exactly where to put him, or you just needed a rhyme.

A few things to look back on, but in all this poem is very well written and has lovely contrast =)

---*Tessa
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004
I'm not sure if we see the poem the same. The third line of the third stanza contains rot to contrast with the other two. As this stanza is at the poem's end, and after the hell/heaven choice on the inverted cross, the choice has been made. He went to hell. For me, hell means rotting. The trickster in the back actually started the whole poem. I was thinking of him one night:) He is not truly matterial. You can either consider him a servant of Satan sent to make someone go to hell, or someone's evil inner voice that drives him/her to self-destruction. Thank you very much for commenting on my poem and raising my morals!:glomp:
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:iconmyseity:
mySeity Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004
yesh, all I meant was that the 'rotting', although a contrast, doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of your poem. It was just a word choice thing to me.

about the trickster, I understood what you meant him to be, but I thought a back was a strange place to put him =)

and you're very welcome! :hug:
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:iconsquirellmeister:
Squirellmeister Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2004
Very interesting style. Also the whole post mortum fate theme is interestimg. Here on DA there are many poems that talk about death, but I believe few to be as original and well written as this.
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2004
Thanks!
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:iconblue-eyestoondragon:
blue-eyestoondragon Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2004
lotta DA pics like that :)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2004
What do you mean by that?
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:icontridelvior:
Tridelvior Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
Damn that is cool. Very creative..im gonna have to fave it.
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
You are unbelievable! :glomp:
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:icontridelvior:
Tridelvior Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
yeah i know. I'm like god, except no one believes in me ;)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
Hahahahaha:lmao: That was funny:D
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:icontridelvior:
Tridelvior Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
i cant tell if you're complimenting me or mocking me. o well. i'll decide on mocking and i shall smite you!

*SMITE*

:D
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
Noooooooooo:explosion::dead:
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:icontridelvior:
Tridelvior Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
wait..if i smote you..and you're still talking..maybe thats why no one believes in me.. ;)
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2004
May be :rofl:
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(1 Reply)
:icontigress86:
tigress86 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2004
its interesting.....and in a good way...the whole structure set in itself attracts to the reader and is well done....not much to say here besides well done job! *applauds*
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2004
Thanks!:D
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:icondethika:
dethika Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2004
i was kind of confused at first lol but i think i got it, i like the repetitiveness to it, neat style or writing
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:iconnegullah:
negullah Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2004
Thanks!:D
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:iconagirlnamedluna:
agirlnamedluna Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2004
I liked the opposition and repetition a lot even though at a moment it became confusing ... but it reads like it's nothing, because of the repetition and the distinct rhythm of the phrases ...then you have to go read it again because you realise you're confused and you're not sure what is what ... nice way of picturing the thin line between heaven and hell for me ...
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